Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
