How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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