im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
