Pants 0. Shit 1.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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