There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
