I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
