But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
