i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
