census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my being single is dangerous.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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