Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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