so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who put my cat in the fridge?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
