Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
