guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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