did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize