Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
