I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
