Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize