I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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