Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
