i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
