Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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