at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
