and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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