Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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