If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
