I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
