Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
