Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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