Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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