Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
