Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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