i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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