I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk is not a location!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
