i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
