i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
