Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
