He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
