Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
