someone threw a dead crab at me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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