and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize