I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize