you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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