Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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