I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
