I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
