Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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