Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
