Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
