I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
