Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
