I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
