I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
