Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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