Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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