hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
