i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
