I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
