yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
