I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize