when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
