Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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