you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
