Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This baby is an asshole
You made out with two different species that night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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