her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
