I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
