Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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