i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
