My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
