the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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