please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
