Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
