i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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