apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
