You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize