If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
