Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
