i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
